Not all Valentine’s Day candies are created equal
A ranking of Valentine's Day candies from worst to best
February 11, 2019
Filed under A&E
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Valentine’s Day, while glamorized by most as a day for lovers, is truly just a day for candy. Everything is pink, everything is heart-shaped and everything tastes fantastic; at least, almost everything does. While every department store may be decorated from floor-to-ceiling in candy, not all of it is worth your time. Here is a ranking of the most popular Valentine’s Day candies, from completely horrible to food of the gods.
5. A BOX OF CHOCOLATE
Forrest Gump made the quote “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get,” famous. Well, I know what you’re gonna get: something disgusting. All too often these chocolates have a weird aftertaste and a mushy center that will taste vaguely like coconut. The box itself is a thousand times prettier than the chocolate, and I’d rather my crush buy me something that I’ll actually like, even if it isn’t a classic like these.
4. CONVERSATION HEARTS
These candies have been a staple of Valentine’s Day for longer than I can remember. They’re practically iconic, but that doesn’t mean they’re any good. Conversation hearts are gross and chalky–more like a medicine than a candy–and what little flavor they do have is disgusting. The only reason they aren’t dead last on this list is for the nostalgia factor and the aesthetic.
3. RANDOM HEART-SHAPED CANDY
You know this kind of candy, even if you pretend you don’t. The vaguely heart-shaped Reese’s and Twix that are all around Target. I’ve never understood the point of these candies. Just go to the dollar store and buy the exact same thing, but bigger and cheaper. It’ll taste the exact same no matter what shape it is, but even if it does taste rather good, there is always better, more Valentine’s Day appropriate, candy. You can get these all year round, so why buy them now? Save your money for something that is unique to Valentine’s Day.
2. PINK LEMONADE JOLLY RANCHER LOLLIPOPS
These are the most underrated Valentine’s Day candy. They taste amazing with their sweet and tart flavor, they have the best aesthetic of all the candies (who doesn’t love a translucent pink heart?) and you can buy a bunch of them in one go. Kids love them, teenagers love them, adults love them. What’s not to love? Absolutely nothing.
1. FUN DIP
In elementary school, during Valentine’s Day swaps, Fun Dip made you a god– bonus points if you got more than one of them during the swap. These were the holy grail of Valentine’s Day candy, and the stained lips and tongues they caused were a source of pride. Although it may just be flavored, colored sugar– Fun Dip is number one in my heart. Even if the weird sugar stick it came with always tasted gross.
Amelia Foster is a sophomore and Arts and Entertainment Editor. When she's not in room 112, she's probably thinking about journalism and all the things...